Toxicity of People

Do you find yourself dealing with toxic people in your life?

If not you might just be the toxic one yourself....

Let's hope not.

It saddens me to know that there are so many people out there who just do not have anything better to do then to make other peoples lives miserable.

Not entirely sure why this is the case for so many people but it seems like it is becoming an ever increasingly larger problem in our society. 

While there are many different types of toxicity people can exude, such as "being a whiner"m always being the "negative ninny", or just being unbearable to work with, it seems that there is only one way to solve this dilemma.

Kill them all, let God Sort them out......

Oh, wait, we can't do that. Sorry. that was my inner angry voice coming out for a moment. 

You know the feeling I am sure. Those people you work with who are always in your business?

How about those people who are always spouting off on how much they spend on "their kids" even though their kids hate them?

Perhaps those who are being such a drain on your life. Those who mooch all of your money and never give anything back?

How about those people who just don't get it when you tell them you don't even want them around? 

The list could go on and on and on....

But really what can we do about these people? 

The first step is to make a decision.

You must decide if these people truly need to be in your life. People like co -workers can be changed by moving to a new job, but if the toxic person is family of even a husband or wife then removing them out of your life may be considerably harder to accomplish.

Toxic friend are not going to like losing you. Often these people who are being toxic have an "emotional attachment" to those people they are being toxic too. 

This could simply be a situation where one person was nice to the other and then they latched on for years. They "latch on" to those people who enable them to continue being toxic. 

The toxicity of these people may not be intentional, but in fact has likely been learned as a behavior pattern over time. 

Imagine that you are raising a puppy. If that puppy pees on the floor and is never corrected it will continue to pee on the floor. 

Correction doesn't have to be mean, but it does have to happen. This is why there are alternative and humane training methods available to help.

But just like the puppy, people and their habits, emotions and beliefs are learned behavior patterns.

Perhaps you might not think so but consider the process of being born into this world.

From the moment a new baby is conceived, the baby's life begins being shaped by its parents.

So many factors can change the baby long before it is even born.

Does the baby hear music in the womb? What kind of music? Does the baby hear the soft loving whisper of a caring mother and father? Or does the baby hear constant fighting, arguing and abuse?

What about the emotional state of the mother? Perhaps the baby "Feels" what the mother is feeling? If the mother is in a bad, uncaring, unhealthy, or otherwise hurtful place the baby can sense that.

Once the baby comes out of that "safety zone", the child will be bombarded with the rest of society's issues. Everything from bad family life, to other kids being mean, and so much more that entire volumes of books could be published on these topics.

As a parent it becomes my responsibility to see that our child grows up to be a well rounded individual.

We teach our children in one manner or another. Children are like little sponges in that they will absorb whatever they come into contact with. Whether they absorb good or bad is up to those around them. 

Our daughter is 10 years old this year. One thing for sure is that we know for a fact that she has "picked up" many of our good AND bad habits. Those things that you never even realized she would even notice let alone learn to do.

While she does interact with people who are toxic, we make sure to teach her how to properly deal with those kind of issues in life.

A parent's task is never complete. The more people that take responsibility for how their children turn out, then the better the chances are that society has less toxic people in it. 

Daily Workload vs. Daily Motivation

Have you ever had those days? You know what kind of day I mean. When waking up in the morning usually brings about those dreadful feelings of despair. Everything seems to be wrong. That day where you just want to curl back up with your soft cozy blanket and roll right back to sleep.

Those days are the worst aren't they? As soon as you wake up you experience some form of dreadful feeling that you can't seem to shake off. As you walk downstairs you might stub your toe, bang your knee or walk into a wall. You try to shake it off as early morning haze.

But what is this dread you feel? 

What causes this feeling? Is there really some major life-changing event that is going to happen for the worse every morning? 

Perhaps the dread comes from the knowledge of all the stuff you have to accomplish this day. There is a distinct difference between that amount of work we have to do most days and the amount of work we can get done in a  day. 

These are quite often disproportional to each other with the amount of stuff needing to get done being far greater then that which we accomplish.

The average person has a dozen or more things to accomplish before they even head off for work. Just how long does an early morning routine last?

Ever find yourself taking a nap first thing in the morning AFTER you just got out of bed? Take 30 minutes to get from the bed to the shower to the coffee maker? Or does it take even longer?

Stop Feeling Overwhelmed

The good news is that these feelings can go away. It happens when you can shift the balance from the "to do list" over to the "Done List". 

But how does one get more stuff done when your time is so limited? After all most of the stuff goes unfinished now, right? 

Assessing Your Routine

It begins with taking an assessment of your habits and routines. IF you routinely spend an hour checking your email only to find nothing worthwhile, well stop checking it so often. There's nothing there worthwhile anyways. How about television? FaceBook? or some other thing chewing up large chunks of your time?

These "time sinks" eat away at our day little by little like the "ant eating an elephant" one bite at a time until like the elephant our time is all gone. 

Making Changes To Your Routine

Once you have a better understanding about what is eating away at your day then and only then can you decide to make changes that affect your time. If you feel you are not getting the most out of your time in front of the television then you have to take back control and decide to use that time more efficiently.

Perhaps you can eliminate the shows that you have been recording for 6 months that you didn't watch. Perhaps a better use for the hour might be a short walk or 30 minutes of meditation. 

If you have ever heard of Getting things Done (GTD). This program is based on just what its title says. Learning better ways to get stuff done can be as simple as the 2 minute rule. 

2 Minute Rule: If a task takes you less then 2 minutes to do, just do it now. 

Avoid putting it off until later where it will continue to build up on your to do list. Procrastination is a cornerstone to laziness. Being able to take time for yourself is a key process of life but we have to learn how to do the work that we must do in a timely and efficient manner.

You can even implement technology to help assist you. Sites like IFTTT (If This, Then That), can help to integrate your technology to work better together. 

Changing Your Sleep

Altering your sleep habits will also make a considerable difference in your day. There are few things better then a restful night sleep to get your day going strong. I do not mean a lot of sleep, but in fact "restful" in the fact that you sleep soundly and wake naturally. 

The human body is quite an amazing system. It will let you know when you have too little or even too much sleep. Waking during a natural sleep cycle will often be some of the most peaceful and refreshing sleep you will likely get. 

Bear in mind the amount of things that can and will affect your sleep patterns. Everything from your bed, your pillows, what time you ate your last meal, what you ate, stress of the day, and host of other things you experience throughout the day plays a role in sleeping. 

Imagine taking a sleep study with a box strapped to your chest, wires all over and electrodes pasted all over your head. Then imagine the response when they tell you to sleep normally so they can record it. If you have ever had one you are laughing right now. As if sleeping wasn't hard enough in your own bed now your in a strange bed, with people watching you sleep, with an octopus like machine nearly strangling you. Sure sleep well indeed. 

Unload Your Workload

There are still options that you can avail yourself of in the event you are still unable to get handle on your day by yourself. This is an option that most people often overlook, that of outsourcing. 

Tim Ferris (twitter @tferris), one of my favorite authors wrote a book call "The 4 Hour Workweek". In this book one of the key points he makes centers around the concepts of delegation and outsourcing. 

If you have children then you should be familiar enough with delegation. Tell your kids to clean their room might seem like punishment to them but for a parent its about delegating the workload. Now I am not suggesting you make your kids do your "TPS Reports" (Movie reference to Office Space). (everyone should watch it at least once.)

However your kids can help with the chores that you often find yourself doing. Cleaning up the house, stacking the dirty dishes, washing the laundry or any other chore they are old enough to accomplish. If they are not sure how to do them, well teach them. 

If you don't have children, consider hiring someone to help out. Depending on the work you need to get done you can hire a Virtual Assistant. Virtual Assistants (VA), also known as freelancers, are great for helping out for many types of workloads. These often include stuff like making phone calls for you, writing reports, create blog posts (this was not done with a VA) ;), or just about any task which you need and they are will or able to do. 

Much like hiring a maid to clean your house or a chef to cook your meals, VAs can help you to accomplish more in a day then you are getting done now. You would not hesitate to hire someone to mow your lawn during the summer or shovel your driveway during the winter but for some reason when it comes to doing other workloads we balk and "assume these things need to be done by us, and only us".

This could't be further from the truth. We should focus on the things we are best at and if possible pay someone else to do the things we are not good at. It's not cheating, but it does make your life considerably easier. On top of that you are helping to provide a career for those people who choose to be freelance assistant. 

In Conclusion

Either way you look at it you become responsible for your own time and how much you get done. If you want more time to yourself each day then it is up to you to make that time a reality. Either you have to give up on things you may not really need or you have to find better ways to get your stuff done. 

Remember the definition of insanity:

"Insanity: Doing things to same way over and over again and expecting different results." 

This applies to all aspects of life. If you're not where you wanted to be in life then step up and take charge of your life and make the changes that will get you where you want to go.